A frustrated coach sent me this today. Coaches, you’ll understand where this rant is coming from. Rowers (and coxswains) this should be a little bit of a reality check for you.
Hi, a rower sent me this the other day:
“Hi, I’m not going to crew throughout the next week because it’s making me too tired that it made me skip school today.”
How should I respond?
Don’t worry Coach, I’ve got this one. Just direct your rower to this site and let me at ‘em. Here you go:
I’m sorry to hear that crew has fatigued you so terribly. Perhaps you should stay home until you learn how to better manage your time and get yourself in bed at a reasonable hour to avoid having this happen again. I know that this is a really difficult concept to grasp, but feel free to skip practice until you’ve got it figured out. Don’t worry, the rest of the world will wait. In fact, maybe you should email your teachers and request that they provide you with a designated nap time during the day. If you’re lucky maybe one of them will give you a nice snack when you wake up and then burp you so your tummy won’t hurt. You certainly can’t row if you’re all farty and bloated!
Don’t worry Rower, being tired when you participate in sports is totally normal, especially when it’s a demanding sport like rowing. The good news is, if you row in college you won’t have to worry about silly things like going to class, doing homework, or studying for exams. And if you choose to row after college I’m sure your boss won’t mind you calling out of work to sleep because you got up at 5am for practice. Full-time jobs are overrated anyway!
Oh wait…everything I just said was completely false, because guess what? THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE TIRED.
You’re too tired to go to school? Get off the internet and get your ass in bed at a reasonable hour. Facebook and Tumblr won’t miss you and you can talk about how stupid boys are and what a slut Karen is at lunch tomorrow. If you are somehow in the top boat on your team, you can kiss your seat goodbye. I guarantee there are a handful of people on your team who would gladly go to bed at 8pm every night if it meant being in the 1V, and your coach is going to give that seat to someone who doesn’t take a week off of practice DURING THE MOST COMPETITIVE PART OF THE FREAKING SEASON because they are “tired.”
Rower, crew did not make you skip school. YOU made you skip school. If this message is a bit harsh, I apologize. Actually, no, I don’t, because someone needs to tell you that no coach is going to have any sympathy for you if you complain about being tired. If rowing is too much for you, maybe you should join the chess club or take up knitting.
I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors (which hopefully aren’t too strenuous).
***Note: This rant is intended to be entertaining, and is definitely NOT the way I would deal with a rower in this situation. I’ve gotten a few messages (and read what some of you re-blogged) and see that a few of you made the critical error of taking this post too seriously. Is this how I would feel if I received a message like this from a rower? Maybe, depending on who that rower was and their rank on the team, among other things. I had a lot of attendance issues last year, and as a result of that my rant might have come off as too harsh. As the information provided to me was extremely limited, I had to make my own assumptions about why the rower in question was so exhausted, and did not take into account any personal, mental, or physical factors that might be contributing to their fatigue. I apologize if this rant offended anyone. Peace out.